Renzei27's Does That Answer Your Question

Author: Renzei27
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/228180/does-that-answer-your-question-friendship-oneshot-romance-you-exo-lay-yixing

The Oneshot was very interesting, but you haven’t quite nailed what a Oneshot really is. For a short fic like this it’s better to emphasize the goody details rather than have several underdeveloped events. It’s more like you tried to tell a long story in the space of one chapter, and that has you cutting out some important details and keeping unnecessary fillers.

You should have touched more into how she started giving Lay lessons. During the lessons their actual interactions and conversations would have helped display how their affections for each other were going. What came out instead was “There’s this strange kid, he speaks Chinese, I speak Chinese and English, I’ll teach him English. Oh he is impossible to teach, but his habits are kind of cute. This is the second month of me teaching him and I really like his few habits.”

When writing oneshots over a long period of time, I recommend that you choose specific events that you really want to get across to the reader. What you’ve done is mention these events in one or two sentences, cutting off the significance of these moments. The first elaboration I would have liked to seen was during the second week when she asked him where he was always going. That time could have been used to showcase more of his habits in an actual lesson and her frustrations with his inability to learn.

Another part that should have been developed more is how suspicious it is that he is leaving all the time. When it got to the part where he revealed he is an alien, I was certainly surprised, but not in a good way. You can surprise them with introducing a new concept that goes against what they believe, and then you can surprise them with something totally absurd. It was absurd to me that he was an alien because there was nothing previously mentioned that could have led to that conclusion. If you had done a little bit more to make that stand out instead of having the girl dismiss it as if it was trivial, it would have been cleverer to me.

With their relationship, you do a lot of repeating and summarizing. We as readers should be able to read something and understand the consequences of the actions happening. When she got over her need to hog him, you didn’t need to state that, you could have just shown that by her interacting more with his friends, and maybe even joking around about a future English lesson.

If this was longer, maybe split into one or two more chapters, you probably could have used all you had and really nailed it. With this oneshot, you should have focused your fic on one of two things, either their relationship as friends into lovers, or Lay’s alien status and their transition to lovers, not both. It would have worked either way.

 My Scenario: You were tutoring this strange new transferee when you noticed some weird things about him. These abnormal habits grew on you… It came as a shock to you when you saw him healing the plant. This guy promised to be your friend, but now you’re scared.

“Don’t be afraid, I love you.” Kiss.

“Kiss me again for your answer.”

My Scenario 2: You were tutoring this lonely new transferee, dedicating all your time to him in vain, he really struggled with English. He had these quirky habits when he studied, and soon, the constant exposure to these helped your affections grow for him. As his English got better, he became more social and your place as his friend was threatened. To protect your hurt feelings, you started giving him the cold shoulder. Your absence alerted him, and he confronted you.

“Don’t ignore me, you are my everything.” Kiss.

“Kiss me again for your answer.”

It’s very clear that there are two different stories going on at once. It’s not difficult to keep up with, but it isn’t cohesive. By eliminating one of these factors, you could have really expanded more on those important details.

Now the last section is written the best for a oneshot. It perfectly expresses emotions and sensations without emphasizing the story too much, so it makes me feel things. The last section is also the section that honestly does not need to be in the oneshot whatsoever. Nothing would change if you took it out. It’s probably better to leave your readers hanging in this sense instead of giving them every single piece of information.

If the entire fic had been very detailed, then it would have been important to tie up those loose ends, but seeing as how the oneshot is more of an emotional rollercoaster, it’s better to leave that ambiguous ending from their confessions.

To summarize all of this:

1. Try to elaborate more on certain portions of the oneshot instead of summarizing and explaining. Show, don’t tell.
2. Try to focus on one storyline, or work on incorporating them together
3. Oneshots are either information splurges and twists, or they are emotions and short love stories
4. With ‘you’ fics, do not overuse the words ‘you,’ and ‘your,’ and try not to start too many sentences with “you.”

Your story was creative and it seems that you really thought it out. I can see that you tried hard with making sure that you went over all the stops. Readers could use a little push towards thinking, so don’t be so easy on them! Continue writing and you will grow tremendously as a writer.