Author: popgirl345543
The
title is fitting.
The description
is beautiful
Summer:
Scent of sunshine and freshly picked blossoms. Sound of fireworks cascading
down the velvety sky, the smell of burning wood in a hot campfire, the feel of
a cool breeze on those warm nights. The melody of the turning of crisp pages.
Among the smell of written memories, fingers traced the same characters. He
forgot that she couldn’t follow if he wasn’t holding her hand.
She’s
blind and your charming imagery clued me in.
To
be honest, I don’t really see any problems with your fic. It’s very well
written and makes me feel things. It’s not cheesy, it’s fluffy. The entire fic
had a warm sentimental feeling to it (save for the part during the winter when
she felt helpless), and only touched on the angst when Kris died. It was more
like surprise angst that I knew to expect. Angst fics don’t need to be angsty
throughout the entire work; that is when it turns out cheesy.
If
you had instead gone that route, making everything angsty, the fic probably
would have lost the ability to move people. Seohyun
suffered for being blind her whole life, then her true love bit the dust and
just as she gains the ability to see, she can’t look at him. Then she died.
That would have been terrible. I am so glad you focused on what made her happy
instead. You built up the suspense of Kris’s death and the impact it had on her
at the time.
If
you really wanted to go full blown angst and really crush all the warm happy
feelings the readers get (and have them hate you), then you would nee to show how
Seohyun that couldn’t enjoy the stars, or reading, or the winter anymore. I feel
like the little bit you did at the end of spring was enough. It would be
overkill otherwise.
Considering
this is a very short fic, one that doesn’t need to be any longer, your flow was
fine. Because these are all of Seohyun’s memories, and memories are just
thoughts and moments that our brain chooses to remember, the flow of the story
is fitting. It matches her stream of consciousness, as if she was really thinking
all those things. Our memories are not linear emotions that flow like a gently
streaming river. Memories are abrupt and shifty and we get lost in them.
The
story itself was actually kind of linear. All the flashbacks, which you
incorporated very well, led into the next flashback. Summer was when they were
kids, autumn they were growing up, winter their relationship was reaching the
next level, and spring they were separated, epilogue she dies.
Characterization,
once again, fine considering the fic is so short. Kris might have seemed a
little perfect, but that was just how Seohyun remembered him. She loved him;
therefore, she remembers him in a loving way. Seohyun was very developed and
deep, and I was able to understand her from the imagery and feelings that were
described.
I
really liked this fic and I don’t know what you’re asking me to help you with. Maybe
I’m just biased because this is the type of fic I like to read, but you did a
good job.
I
tried to look at the other review you got to see what they said, but everything
they marked you off for is crap and the reviewer doesn’t recognize good
literature. They were mad because you paired Kris up with Seohyun? If anything,
they should be mad that Seohyun was paired up with Kris because the story is
about her not him.
Five
chapters is the perfect length for this. What more could you write for each
season? And spring was when she graduated
and left all her friends behind. Spring is death. All the important parts
of her life were there and it made for a great short ficlet. The ficlet can’t even
be described as rushed because they are memories and they are ephemeral thoughts
in one’s head. In fact, when you actually took time to describe in greater
detail Kris’s accident, I felt it was odd, but even then, tragic moments are
easier to remember than happy moments.
They
were too blind and ignorant to recognize that Seohyun was blind in the very
first chapter, don’t know what they are complaining about.
It’s
all a big oneshot to me, and I have a great appreciation for oneshots. Easiest review ever.
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