munjae's ♢ Cheeky Devils ♢

Author: munjae
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/257639/cheeky-devils-comedy-fantasy-friendship-romance-you-exo-exom

Basically you have been reading fanfics since Exo debuted? That explains a lot, actually. You are making a lot of mistakes that most writers make in their first few months of reading and writing, which means you are progressing perfectly.

The more you read fanfics the more you’ll realize that all these graphics and extras that other people put in aren’t necessary at all. You don’t need to put pictures of the characters or list their qualities, just give the readers a taste of the fic. They want to read the fic based off of how well the story is, not how pretty you can make your foreword.

And you might see it in other fics, especially those silly featured ones, but notes about not plagiarizing the fic are unnecessary. It’s already a big rule on AFF and there is no reason to draw attention to it unless your fic has been plagiarized before. While the storyline has been done before, no one is going to doubt you created the story on your own. That’s just a pet peeve of mine though.

Some simple basic rules

1)      No character profiles

2)      Don’t change the alignment of the font or the font itself

3)      Plagiarism/copyright claims aren’t necessary

Congratulations, you have the talent to write! I got this just from the description of the buildings in chapter one. You slipped in and out of past tense, but it was overall written well. I wish you had put that in your foreword instead of your character profiles. The story’s description makes the fic sound very cliché because the storyline can be found in many other fics. This section in the foreword can immediately reverse that notion because it sounds intelligent, well written, and interesting.

Just an extra tip if you are a real try-hard. The old lady that came from under the desk, think about developing her a little more. When she isn’t fazed by JiMin’s scream, is it because it didn’t bother her or is she short of hearing? I want to lean towards the latter so that any loud noises she and the boys make in the apartment can go unheard, for instance, JiMin screaming in chapter 3. You want to think about these little details so that you don’t have too many loopholes.

You also don’t need such large gaps between the end of your chapters and your author’s notes. That forces the reader to scroll more than they want to.

I’m not even an Exo fan and I thought they were adorable when they first met JiMin. Their curiosity of her as a human is… I don’t even know how to describe it, like a kid playing with a small animal for the first time? Your characterization is pretty good, especially since I don’t hate JiMin.

There are some inconsistencies like you said there would be. You’re just going to have to work on including enough details from point A to point B so that it does flow better. For instance, in chapter six the introduction of the bullies is really abrupt. You’re going to have to work on including who these bullies are, how JiMin knows them, and why they dislike her so much.

Chapter three, when JiMin and Exo meet officially, they act very childishly. Their yelling back and forth, especially JiMin, gets very annoying very quickly. Kingsley influenced you? I’ll admit, he makes me chuckle. I laugh because I can hear him in his youtube videos, but in written form, it just comes out stupid. This happens a lot with many things writers include in their stories. They see something in a drama or on TV or even in real life and they try and copy it without realizing that they only thought it was good because of the visuals telling them it is realistic. For instance, if you watched a drama about a girl dressing up and going to an all male school, you can believe it. Reading about it sounds wrong and makes you question what this bullshit is.

You shouldn’t let these things influence your writing too much, try and stick to one form of writing. Chapter 1 was really descriptive and Chapter 3 is full of skips and wackiness. I think you should have gone more into how adorable Exo are as demons. JiMin’s reaction didn’t have to be so exaggerated, maybe more overwhelmed with the demons popping out of nowhere.

I know all of Exo-M’s names, Exo-K, that’s a work in progress. I know their faces, some of their personalities, traits, and body types, but it was still hard for me to distinguish between who was who. It was frustrating that you introduced them in chapter 5. I would rather you had made the first few chapters longer so that the introduction came sooner. Exo is a group with growing popularity, which means that are consistently gaining new fans that don’t really know them that well and this will trouble them.

Not even going to talk about chapter 7. I just hope that JiMin teaches them how to act more human in the near future.

One last thing. You don’t need to put symbols in your title, it’s already eye-catching. If you really think it’s not good enough, your description should help pull in readers too. That’s why you really need to make both sound good.

Final Analysis: Based off of your foreword and description I would not have read your fic, but the actual story is so cute that I am considering reading more.

It’s great that you can update every day, but your updates are short. Instead of updating so often, you should really take the time to really focus on the details of your story. Your plot isn’t developed enough. I recommend that one of these evil forces try and attack JiMin soon so you can go deeper with this story. That will really make this fic your own and not as similar to other stories. Definitely continue this school thing and interacting with Exo as demons and not humans.

Considering you have only been writing for a few weeks, and only reading for a few months, you have done incredibly well. Your story is interesting and your only mistakes were those three little ones I listed above. Just gain some more experience and you will do great.